Just over a year ago, Ralph Tatham's parents didn't know if they would make it to Christmas or if liver cancer would take their 3-year-old son away.
The boy, whose life was saved by a multi-organ transplant that replaced his liver, pancreas and intestines, is now approaching his fifth birthday in just a few weeks.
“It was the most difficult moment of my life,” says his mother, Katie Tatham. “This is a dangerous surgery, so we don't know if we'll ever see him again. Obviously, having this surgery was his only chance to live. But having so many of his organs removed and replaced… Problems are more likely to occur.”
She paused for a moment. “I'm sorry, I don't usually get this emotional. At that moment, all I remember is his little face when we gave him up and held him before the surgery. And he got scared because of the big room and everyone involved.”
A few hours later, she and her husband, Graham, received a call from the surgeon. with us. ”
The Tathams want more parents to experience that peace of mind. There are 280 children waiting for an organ transplant in the UK, more than the 243 who were on the waiting list in September 2023, when the couple last spoke to organ transplants. observer.
The rules regarding organ donation for children are different than for adults, making it more difficult to find a donor. Adults across the UK are now deemed to have consented to become organ donors in the event of sudden death, but there is an opt-out register and next of kin are always consulted first.
However, the consent of the child's guardian must be obtained before making a donation. Approximately half of the families agree. Last year, we had 39 organ donors under the age of 18. Including them and their adult donors, transplants gave 252 children a chance to live longer. However, the eight children received no life-saving calls.
Parents often do not agree to donate because, at the worst moment of their lives, they are forced to make a decision they never wanted to make.
NHS Blood and Transplant Services believes that if parents can imagine the unthinkable, they are more likely to remember that they can give another family a chance at life in a moment of crisis.
Katie's employer, creative agency Wunderman Thompson, waiting to live The campaign encouraged these conversations by placing hundreds of child-sized dolls in waiting rooms, including 16 modeled after children on the waiting list.
“I hope people can find some inspiration in seeing the stories of people like Ralph,” she says. “I hope people will remember them. If they ever find themselves in a terrible situation where they have to make a decision whether or not to donate, maybe they'll remember a child like Ralph and make another You may realize that you have a choice to save your child.”
Katie said she doesn't know the identity of Ralph's donor or his family, but is “in awe of them.”
“This is the most selfless thing you can ever do,” she says. “They gave our son another chance to live. If they said no, it's unlikely another donor would have come forward. It's very rare for a child to be the right size.” . Literally, that's why our son is still here today fighting.”
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Before receiving the call that the NHS had found a match for Ralph, the family had been raising money to fly to the US.
“We were told Ralph didn't have much time to live,” she says. “He is losing his immunity to chemotherapy and we may find out at any moment that his cancer has spread. Just as we had given up hope, we got a call from a donor. I was shaking. I did.”
It would be a fairy-tale ending to write that Ralph starts school like any other four-year-old, feeding his current obsession with cars. “Like the back of my hand,” her mother says.
But life and medicine are complicated. “Ralph is still on high levels of immunosuppressants and is living in protected isolation,” says Katie. He has graft-versus-host disease (GvHD). This means that the donated organs treat Ralph's body as a foreign object.
“He can't socialize with other kids yet. We have to live corona-style with isolation rules and to be honest it's pretty tough. He's old now and , that's tough for him because he wants to meet other kids and do things that other kids are doing.
In between trips to the hospital, Katie and Graham try to manage their anxiety and enjoy their family by going to the beach or going for walks in the woods. “Ralph is an incredibly sassy, funny kid and very smart. He has a great sense of humor and I think that's what keeps us going. He's a really great spirit. is.
“His younger brother Albie was a baby and has to be a big brother for another year. We're just trying to live from day to day. Always on edge for the next bad news. So I have to try to enjoy the days I'm not in the hospital. What other choice do I have? I just have to keep moving forward and enjoy life.”
